Chapter 1: Rebellion

 

Hey there,

Thanks for dropping by. It's the fourth post now, I guess I can keep up with this.

lol fingers crossed.

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So,

I figured it's time to lay history down in pen, which I should've done sooner. But I'm glad to be doing this now with a clear mind and a positive attitude. This is gonna be long, and may be sensitive to some of you whom are reading; so feel free to exit if you feel uncomfortable. They are all events and feelings that's been going on in my mind for a while now, and I won't be naming names here as it will all be in a first person point of view. As we're closing out on 2020, I feel comfort knowing that I'm finally at that path of my life where I'm able to move on and leave the past behind me. I feel proud of the person I've become, the struggles as well as the experiences that have brought me here today. You may call it a closure, and I hope whatever the next year or the years after that that comes around, I'll be able to tell myself 'you did it.'

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It was the summer of 2012. I was super excited to be enrolled in UTAR. 

    "It's just UTAR, what's so excited about it anyway? It's not like you're going to Taylor's or Sunway."

She didn't understand. I was not excited about the university that had accepted my admission, but rather the location of its campus. You see, I used to have a rough relationship with the woman who single-handedly raised all three of her children ever since Dad left. He was there, but he was not all the way thorough in our lives. Mum was the one who supported us, fed us, arranged all our schedules, all the while doing her best to put food on the table every month for the past 14 years. My relationship with her almost always didn't smooth sail. I figured she didn't really understand my point of view as I was at a rebellious teenage age and all I could think of was to hurriedly leave this place, this town, and go somewhere foreign where I could "start a new life". It broke her heart seeing me leave, but she knew I was growing up and nothing could stop me as soon as I made up my mind.

    "Please take care of yourself there. Come home when you have sem breaks, okay? Please have your meals regularly, you are so thin already."

She would always give me a hug before I leave for the train to Kampar.

Often than not I find her nagging restless. We couldn't engage in normal conversations before someone looses control and ended up hiding in our rooms. I hated that she would judge my decisions and the way I think. Little did I know that I too judged her parenting style, and I detest her for it. I felt annoyed, fed up, and the idea of me choosing to move far away for my undergraduate studies is to eventually leave home. I wanted to free myself as I felt constraint in my own home. I didn't want to hear her nag, but most importantly I felt as though the world didn't understand me especially my own mother, and I felt devastated I gave up on any thoughts I had about mending our relationship. Instead, I left home in hopes of becoming independent, with my own decisions to make and I felt at ease knowing there won't be anyone to stop me in making my life choices.

And so I went.

I skipped during orientation of the May 2012 intake. Instead I went to secure myself a hostel with both my parents accompanying me. It was also on this day that I met a boy whose heart I would later break. I didn't realise of course, that during this day it was already fated. I chose to skip orientation and he was there too. I might have forgotten some parts about the day but in his eyes, it was his first love.

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I totally have no idea how it ended looking like a storyline. Hahaha. It just came to me like an easy flow as I was typing and finding a right way to sum up the first chapter.

This is unexpected but a good start to somewhere. It'll be a long one I figure, but if you really like what I'll have to write soon then please, keep reading will ya 😉. I'll keep things posted.

xo